Life Set Apart

Love, Your 29 Year Old Self

You ARE living the life you always dreamed of.

Right here, right now.

Sure, you still have anxiety, you now have 3 grey hairs that somehow return faster than any others, you have fears, worries, uneasiness at times, sometimes even many times throughout your day. You are working with Drs to resolve health issues that are unknown, and with your white coat syndrome, that seems so scary to your little self… But it’s okay, these are different Drs, and God is your Healer. And with all that said, set all of that aside for a moment. You are living the dream.

You are writing. And not just writing, you were CALLED to write, to blog. You are painting. You paint anything you want, almost every day, and your soul leaps at the thought of paint & words to write or draw on paper or canvas, every day. Your little self would be so proud.

You would be looked up to by you. You would be seen as beautiful, shocked that you are acne free & wondering how. You have glasses and no longer hate them, you actually love them and use them as an accessory now – you have multiple pairs! (One is pink & gold!) You still have your big blue eyes, wavy brown hair (you never dye it because you enjoy how you were made). You wear bright makeup for fun and color coordinate your wordrobe. You even have matching pajama sets to wear at night. You attempt confidence daily, trying your hardest to love the creation God made you to be in His image, even on the days you have anxiety & fret about the weather or what others might think about you. But when you think about writing this letter to little you, you realize you are looked up to and are exactly how God made you to be.

Little you, you fell in love. You met your prince charming, who makes you tea in the morning, loves your laugh, can’t get enough of your smile, and thinks to himself, “The goofier the better & Wow is she pretty!” And little you, he has blue eyes & loves Jesus. He prayed for you. His family prayed for you. And your family prayed for him. He leads you & points you to the Ultimate Love of your life. He cares for you, guides you, serves you. He works for you & listens to you and your dreams (most of the time at least, but we’re working on that!) Your love isn’t always perfect, but you point to the Perfect Love of Jesus. He’s all yours & he’s faithful to the end.

And little you, you have a son. You always wanted a boy first to grow up to be a big brother. He’s here. He has blue eyes. He’s wild & calm. He listens & leads. He’s sweet, says “Hi” to everyone he meets, mostly those who need a hello most. He sleeps & eats so well. He loves walking with you in that stroller you always dreamed about. He lvoes his Maine themed nursery, but even more little you, he loves you. He loves his Mama so much & your bond is unbreakable. In fact, right now, you are looking at him in the baby monitor with the cutest sleep position, cutest nose, those little wrist rolls & chunky little legs, holding a bear and a puppy (because one stuffed animal isn’t as good as two), and he’s kicked off his blanket. He’s the best gift you have ever received. Look forward to meeting him little you.

And did I mention you have your first home? You are finding your style, but truthfully it never left you. You are a home body now. You are gaining friendships. You have a church family. And did I mention, it’s all in Kansas?

You went to Kansas for college. A dream you had since you were your age. And you know how you said you would never go back to Maine? Well, maybe you don’t know that yet, but you did get to that point… Well anyways, you did. You came back. With your husband. You worked your dream job of being a wedding planner, designing homes, being around people, painting & serving coffee at church. You got married in Maine and looked like a real life Cinderella in a Belle dress. You had roses in your bouquet, views of the ocean, breakfast for lunch, danced your heart out, and God answered your prayer to have a rainbow, and He delivered it without any rain. You had the wedding of your dreams and your Prince Charming serenaded you the next day to “I can’t help falling in love”. Not every detail or plan was executed perfectly, but that’s life little one. And that’s okay. When sin entered the world, that was the result, a lack of perfection and sin within humans makes us all stupid.

And today, you are back in Kansas. You are sipping tea, with a bouquet of pens & pencils & markers nearby, writing this letter. You’re snacking on dark chocolate (a treat you get into later in life), enjoying a moment of quiet. You love the sound of outdoors as much as you did when you were younger. Your heart is thankful and you have peace again.

This peace little you, you lost it for a while, and often you let anxiety take over, but little one, do not fear, because you are chosen. He has great plans for you. I’ll tell you a little about college now. While following your dream to create art, move away from home, and find the one you were to marry, what you actually found (and the things you were in pursuit of come in those years too, so don’t worry) was Jesus. Your creator chose you. He picked you up when you were at your lowest. You said yes to him, you obeyed what he asked, and you followed Jesus. you gave your whole life over to Him. You may not know what this all means now, but all those hardships from teen years, rebellious moments, lost friendships, tears, heartbreak… it all led to your Savior. I don’t want you to have to go through all those moments, but if it was necessary to know Your Maker & have your Prince of Peace, then trust me when I say, He was there even in the darkest days and He will brign you into the Light. Now you live for Him. You are fully & completely loved, and always were. You can rest. You can fight. You delight in the little things again, just as you do now little one. But now, it’s better because all those delights are pointing to your Prince of Peace.

Oh little you, if you could see you now – A Mama, A Wife, A Stay At Home Mama, A Painter, A Writer, Loved, Colorful, Creative – you would be so proud. But, you probably aren’t surprised. You haven’t lost your spark yet and these are all dreams you haven’t lost yet. Hold onto them little one, they will all come true, but not without the orchestrator & creator of your life, your beloved Jesus who is in you little one. So keep on writing little one. Keep on praying to God. Keep on reading your books, books you love (Yes, I know the ones at school are quite terrible, but you will be able to choose your own books soon enough). Keep on drawing anything, everything, and everywhere. You are an artist, a writer, a Mama, and you can be anything you want to be little one. Don’t let school tell you you aren’t good at something, especially writing. Little do they know, you will pick it up later because they don’t know your God.

Little you, you would be so proud, but not surprised. You are doing exactly as you dream right now. So when teachers, friends, people around you, or lies in your head tell you you can’t or that you aren’t good enough, know your God designed you this way and their opinion doesn’t matter. Only your God matters and He has made you these things.

And lastly, don’t fear. Enjoy the present time. Know God has your future in His hands. He has chosen you. He has appointed you. He has set you apart little one. You are living the life you always dreamed of.

xoxoxo,

Your 29 Year Old Self